My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
