Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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