How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
