There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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