he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
