made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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