How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
