I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
