If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
