Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
