He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
