break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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