we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
