he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize