Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Bring me that man meat
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
