I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
