enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
i think i just lost a toe
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
