He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
