Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
