ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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