batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm always down for nudity.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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