Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
