Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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