Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
