just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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