I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
