Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
