I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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