...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
