I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
