Sponge bath it is.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
