You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
