to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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