well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
