I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Come see our sink grown plant.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Randomize
