I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
