You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
