just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
