His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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