try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
