My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
