please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
