at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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