I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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