You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
