I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
