I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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