My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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