In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
never play flip cup with pint glasses
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
