I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
