Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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