I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
