i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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